The World of Angy Wong

Three summers ago, I finally got to see the world or at least a small part of it. Up until May 2006, the farthest I’ve been was Las Vegas, but at the age of 10, Vegas does not leave much of an impression. Growing up the way I did, there was nothing more I wanted than to leave. I wanted to see the world and feel like I was a part of something greater than just the miserable situation in our three bedroom home that felt like it was getting smaller each day.

So, the opportunity arose and I grabbed it with both hands. I decided to study Chinese in Beijing for a month, and then travel around China for another month. I recall feeling exhilarated when the plane took off from Vancouver Airport and it was probably that particular moment that ignited my love for flying. When I arrived in Beijing and settled into a routine of studying Chinese every day and having a little fun on the weekends, I really enjoyed it. I realized how easy it was to start a new routine and accept a new reality. Yet, I wasn’t going to let go of my life in Vancouver completely. I missed my friends terribly and sent emails updating them on my time in China. I think it was then that I realized that friends are incredibly fluid.

The emails I received were not usually from friends who I was in constant contact with, but were from people I may not have heard from in months and even years. It was those distant friends who took the time to email me to let me know that they enjoyed reading my emails and then proceeded to inform me on what they have been up to in their lives. It was a strange and painful revelation to learn that those who I expected had the 5-10 minutes to email me apparently could not bother to do so, yet, the ones I have not even thought about in a long while was able spare me those minutes.

I think the problem was also that I cared a lot about my friends to the point that maybe I cared too much. I was the type that would go out of my way to throw a party so people could get together; disregarded the price of a gift if I knew the recipient would love it; and would sacrifice a lot of my time and energy in order to cheer up a friend if she or he was down. I did all that because that’s how much my friends meant to me and I thought I meant just as much to them. Yet, the lack of contact I received from my close friends in Vancouver while abroad changed my perspective on my friendships and I recognized that friendships are very fluid. Friends often come and go and throw in the factor of distance, more than likely, friends are often gone. Friends are rarely like family. Friends are great for enjoying a moment, sharing some laughs, and having fun but they don’t work as well with distance. When distance is added to the mix, more work is required to keep the friendship going. The sad reality is people aren’t willing to invest a lot of time in keeping a long-distance friendship going.

Unlike family, there’s no obligation weighing on a person’s conscience to keep in constant contact. After all, friends are great for understanding that sometimes people are so busy in their lives that it’s forgivable if one does not email or call for weeks on end. That’s the beauty of friends – they have to be understanding because ultimately, the obligation to a friend is too weak to cause guilt or remorse for the one who is simply too “busy” or “tired” to reply to a letter, phone call or email.

I do not hold any resentment towards my friends and if I do, I try really hard not to. I understand that people have different obligations and priorities, and many times, I’m not as high on their list as they may be on mine. By no means am I bitter and I actually am glad that I experienced what I did in Beijing because it made me realize that perhaps I should focus my energy on myself. I’ve learned to depend less on my friends for companionship and comfort, and have come to love my independence and the ability to simply enjoy my solitude. I’ve also learned that the best friendships are those that you can smile back on years later. Even if the greatest friends are gone and contact is completely lost, instead of resenting them or myself for losing touch, I will remember them for the laughters and joys we shared in those fleeting moments so long ago.